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Stand Up with Ben Cohen Nervous, Anxious, Honoured, Privileged
Stand Up with Ben Cohen Nervous, Anxious, Honoured, Privileged
THE STAND UP WITH BEN COHEN BLOG
Friday, 06 May 2011 00:00
Things are hotting up with the tour plans now and I am really looking forward to flying out next week to join the rest of the team. I have been spending some time with my family at home as I will be away for some time.I was really chuffed to be invited to the GLAAD awards in San Francisco as one of the presenters. It’s not something I’ve done before so I’ll probably be a bit nervous. I know I’m going to be looked after so it will be fine. A new suit and a haircut is called for I think!
After the GLAAD awards we are back to Atlanta to start the Acceptance Tour 2011. Our first stop is in Atlanta at Fado’s Bar for a Beer with Ben night. Before that though there will be lots of meetings about the new StandUp Foundation and a photoshoot for a variety of things coming up. Sitting in my garden in England it all seems a bit surreal, and I have to admit that I am anxious to fly out and get involved. There is a huge amount of work to do. I feel so honoured to be in a position to make a difference to other peoples lives. It is an incredible feeling. I know there will be lots of challenges along the way, but the bullying HAS to stop, young people should no longer feel they need to end their lives to escape the pain because they feel ‘different’ and we all need to stand up and show an attitude of tolerance and understanding.
Lots of people ask me why I feel so strongly about my work with StandUp. One of the many reasons is that people out there, who I have never met, write to me and tell me their stories. This is part of an email that I was sent the other day:
I happen to love sport and was made to hate it at school by the constant bullying and harassment that I like many others suffered. What an amazing thing for a teenage boy in 2011 to know that there are people like you out in the world that don’t subscribe to the hatred and ignorance that breeds in our schools.
I spent years being taunted and made fun of because of my sexuality. I am very straight acting, not at all camp and love my female friends dearly, I was able to hide my sexuality until I was outed at school. Whilst never pushed to the brink of suicide I know the feeling of being cast out and ridiculed and feeling as though there is no where to hide.
(Sent through Ben’s website – www.ben-cohen.com)
I receive emails like this all the time. So you can see why I feel so privileged to be able to help people like this guy who wrote to me.
Lots of work to do. We’ve only just begun. Until next time…..
Ben
p.s. For more information on the GLAAD Awards...
On Twitter - #glaadawards
Link to the GLAAD website
Link to the GLAAD Facebook event
Link to the GLAAD Facebook page
And please share any of these links wherever you are online
Bookmark
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Comments (7)
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Hi, I am not sure if you read this but thought I would send you my story. I was outed the Wed. before Fathers Day last year. My life was ruined by a person to pretends to be caring about others in the gay community. You see he volunteers for PFLAG. He himself is gay. My only crime was chatting with men on a gay website. He told everyone in my family. My wife divorced me, my son barely talks to me & I no longer have any friends. I am in my 50's & think of suicide daily. You see at my age no one in the "gay scene" are even interested in me. I went on a gay cruise, I got ignorede. I go to gay clubs, no one talks to me. I am not handsome like you, or have a great body & am definately not young. I think it would have been kinder if this person who outed me would have shot me instead. THank you for letting me get this off my chest. Good luck on your tour. Everyone wants to help gay kids. Maybe someday someone will help those of us outed at a late stage in our life. :-(
Tom
Tom
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May 10, 2011
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It won't be too long until you receive a GLAAD award (and many others)! Thank you, Ben, for all you're doing, being, and saying.
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May 10, 2011
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It will get better...
Tom, saying that you've been through a tough period, well, it's a major understatement. I can tell you though, it will get better. People can be cruel, and the gay community is not immune to such cruelty. When the walls around us come falling down, suicide may seem like a solution to the pain and isolation that we feel. I had similar feelings as a child when I began to first develop an attraction towards men, and began to understand the implications of what I felt and who I was. The future seemed empty to me, with one of three doors to choose: 1) deny my feelings and and closeness with others in my life), 2) deny my desires and possibly have some kind of sexual contact out of frustration, ultimately contracting some terminal STD, or 3) be the comic relief as the token gay guy that exists in an empty and meaningless life.
The journey has been a tough one, like it is for so many, but through the darkest times, knowing that there is a brighter future ahead is what helped me to carry on.
I'd like to suggest you look for a local coming out group, and possibly some other social venues in which to build new relationships and form new friendships.
You are not alone.
It may take time and work, but life is full of challenges and rewards, and I believe it is the range of experiences and emotions that are measures of a life well lived. Know that while you may be in a low now, things will get better and better days are ahead.
There is a lot of pain and suffering in the word, but kindness, patience, understanding and honesty are foundations to build brighter days ahead.
The journey has been a tough one, like it is for so many, but through the darkest times, knowing that there is a brighter future ahead is what helped me to carry on.
I'd like to suggest you look for a local coming out group, and possibly some other social venues in which to build new relationships and form new friendships.
You are not alone.
It may take time and work, but life is full of challenges and rewards, and I believe it is the range of experiences and emotions that are measures of a life well lived. Know that while you may be in a low now, things will get better and better days are ahead.
There is a lot of pain and suffering in the word, but kindness, patience, understanding and honesty are foundations to build brighter days ahead.
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May 10, 2011
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so sad to read Tom's comments. i'm in my fifties and came out late in life. I've never rgretted it. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. it may not seem like it at present but take my word for it.
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May 10, 2011
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Hi Tom. I can't imagine what you hve gone through over the past year. It sounds pretty tough and totally unfair. It is stories like yours that spur me on to speak out and stand up for what is right. It is great that others have commented on here - thanks guys. Hopefully that will help you move on with your life, being who you really are. Keep in touch.Ben
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May 11, 2011
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Louie
Ben, I admire your work. We need strong advocates like you to help our cause. Keep up the good work!
Tom: Coming out is tough and most of us can relate to your feelings of isolation but keep looking. There is a niche for you. I too do not consider myself a handsome man but I have managed to find a circle of friends that hold very dear to my heart. You are not alone and eventually you will find such a support base. Outing others is not a solution and I rebuke the man for doing so to you. However, the "need" to hide underlines a bigger issue here that hopefully with supporters like Ben Cohen and voices like yours, we can educate and change the views of this head-strong country. Take care, Tom. Be brave. Be strong.
Tom: Coming out is tough and most of us can relate to your feelings of isolation but keep looking. There is a niche for you. I too do not consider myself a handsome man but I have managed to find a circle of friends that hold very dear to my heart. You are not alone and eventually you will find such a support base. Outing others is not a solution and I rebuke the man for doing so to you. However, the "need" to hide underlines a bigger issue here that hopefully with supporters like Ben Cohen and voices like yours, we can educate and change the views of this head-strong country. Take care, Tom. Be brave. Be strong.
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May 11, 2011
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response to Tom
Hang in there Tom life gets better and you will get there. Ok maybe not as old as you but my life came crashing down in my mid 30's and I left a broken marriage and walked out of the house leaving a 2 year old son behind. I outed myself before she had chance to out me to the entire world. being a rugby player at the time I knew I hasd to leave my beloved sport behind and friends too. However, and this is the big however, as much as its taken you to come to terms with your sexuality it will take others a while too, no you wont recover all your friends but what friends are they if thats the way they are.
At the end of the day there are people out there for you, but seldom do I hear of a happy marriage and commitment forming out of a cruise, club or much else on the scene for that matter. Particularly at 50 when you probably are so self conscious you dont belong in this alien environment. yet we all centre towards this scene as though we feel our own pressure to be part of it! I would suggest unless you are looking for a scene bunny then perhaps you broaden your horizons and look elsewhere.
As for the kids, you dont say how long this has all happened over. Well maybe if you invest a little time speaking with them, explaining and not justifying they will gradually start to come round. Your son feels let down and beliefs rocked to the core you need to make it clear that whatever he feels you are still his father and love him regardles, never shut that door my friend as much as it may hurt now it can get better and it will do. I am not sure of this site will show email addresses but if not message me back bud if you want to chat. Its been 9 years for me now and Im glad to say my son is cool, most of my friends came through and the only one to working on is my dad who is still a rampant homophobe but he's gettin there.
At the end of the day there are people out there for you, but seldom do I hear of a happy marriage and commitment forming out of a cruise, club or much else on the scene for that matter. Particularly at 50 when you probably are so self conscious you dont belong in this alien environment. yet we all centre towards this scene as though we feel our own pressure to be part of it! I would suggest unless you are looking for a scene bunny then perhaps you broaden your horizons and look elsewhere.
As for the kids, you dont say how long this has all happened over. Well maybe if you invest a little time speaking with them, explaining and not justifying they will gradually start to come round. Your son feels let down and beliefs rocked to the core you need to make it clear that whatever he feels you are still his father and love him regardles, never shut that door my friend as much as it may hurt now it can get better and it will do. I am not sure of this site will show email addresses but if not message me back bud if you want to chat. Its been 9 years for me now and Im glad to say my son is cool, most of my friends came through and the only one to working on is my dad who is still a rampant homophobe but he's gettin there.
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May 16, 2011
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I am passionate about standing up against homophobia and feel compelled to take action. It is time we stand up for what is right and support young people who are being harmed. As athletes, it is not enough just to have strong bodies. We must have strong characters and use our voices to support those who need and deserve it.
Every person on this planet has a right to be true to themselves, to love and be loved, and to be happy. I encourage others to stand up with me and make a difference. Stand up for equality, stand up against bullying.
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THE BEN COHEN ACCEPTANCE TOUR 2011
The Cities & Dates
Atlanta
May 19-21
New York City
May 22-24
Washington D.C.
May 24-26
Seattle
May 27-29
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